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기억이 성공을 만들까, 실패를 만들까

  • Felix Clavis 대표

기억이 성공을 만들까, 실패를 만들까

기억이 성공을 만들까, 실패를 만들까

기억을 창조적 활동에 활용한 ‘발명왕’ 에디슨.

[문제] Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn form the past and succeed in the present? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

기억은 사람들이 과거로부터 배우고 현재에 성공하려는 노력을 방해하는가 아니면 도움을 주는가? 이 문제에 대한 당신의 견해를 발휘하도록 에세이를 기획하고 쓰시오. 논리적 추론과 당신의 독서, 학업, 경험 또는 관찰에서 얻은 예로 논리를 뒷받침하시오. - SAT Essay 주제

[학생 작문] I [1] certainly agree that memories help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present. Nobody can succeed without learning [2] mistakes that are made in the past. If one completely forgets the past, then there is no way [3] for him to develop himself. Inventors did not repress or relinquish [4] their past to create new [5] objects. Memories should [6] remain in our head in order to [7] approach success.

Inventors do not bring [8] new changes [9] in a sudden; they brainstorm, meditate, and [10] experiecement for a long period of time [11] that is close to where people can nor more tolerate. Inventors [12] think over and over and keep trying new experiments. Finally, inventors are able to engender new objects from their past. Thomas Edison had experimented [13] more than a thousand filaments [14] to make a light bulb. [15] Even redoing something more than 10 times [16] irritate people, [17] but Edison had attempted to test the filaments until there was a productive result. If Edison had not reflected [18] himself in the past experiments, [19] then he would not have been able to invent such a revolutionary [20] change.

Keeping memories is the most helpful way [21] than any other ways to improve oneself. Since memory is [22] a time that people had spent, they [23] are familiar with themselves. Thus, they can learn [24] flaws from their memories and try to [25] fix those problems. As a result, people won’t make the same mistake again. That is why students study and review; they learn mistakes from test results and in the future, [26] they would still remember why they had made mistakes at that time. Therefore, it is essential [27] to not only students but also business man, artists, and scientists; everyone must always have a tendency to learn [28] mistakes from the past and [29] integrate past and present.



In conclusion, [30] hindering memories will make people [31] retrogress and fail to succeed. Learning from the past directly opens a [32] free path to reach success because it gives such a memorable time reinvent oneself. Thus, old memories should never [33] be faded away from one’s mind; it will only harm one’s future.

첨삭



[1] 삭제 [2] → from their past mistakes.

[3] → for one to develop him or herself.

[4] → the [5] → inventions [a worthy point, but seems a bit disconnected all by itself. Other examples might help].

[6] → [something abstract would be better-perhaps “remain with us”] [7] → achieve [8] forth 삽입

[9] → all of a sudden [10] → experiment [11] → to a point where most people can no longer tolerate it. [12] → repeatedly think and ponder over their past mistakes [13] with 삽입

[14] → in order to make the light bulb [15] → Redoing [16] tends to 삽입 [17] → Edison ceaselessly attempted

[18] → upon his past experiments, [19] 삭제 [20] device

[21] 삭제 [22] → an investment in time that people

[23] → become [24] → their mistakes [25] → avoid repeating those problems. [26] → they avoid repeating those mistakes in the future. [27] → not only for students but also for business people [28] their 삽입 [29] → integrate both past and present to create a better future. [30] → ignoring memories

[31] → regress and fail [32] 삭제 [33] → fade away



[Comment] Your essay is quite competent. It is clear that you are a good writer and convey certain thoughts and ideas. However, I hope you can work on your analysis a bit more. Your entire essay hinges on the argument that the past (specifically memories) is indeed important. However, your focus is on inventions and creativity. You use the example of Edison and of inventors in general. These are really your only concrete examples. While you certainly could make an argument in that line of thinking, it seems that you could expand your argument further. Inventors do indeed learn from the works of previous inventors (a point that is not mentioned), and they of course learn from their past mistakes. While your argument is a valid one and could probably make a good example, it somehow doesn’t convince as strongly as it could. Only toward the end do you seem to really address the question of how people might use their personal past mistakes to avoid repeating harm to themselves in the future

에세이는 매우 만족스럽습니다. 당신의 글은 훌륭하며 중심 주제와 생각을 잘 전달하고 있습니다. 하지만 분석에 더 많은 노력을 기울였으면 합니다. 전체 에세이는 과거가 정말 중요하다는 논점에 머무르고 있는데, 당신의 초점은 발명과 창조성에 맞춰져 있습니다. 같은 맥락에서 논쟁을 벌이면서 논쟁을 좀더 발전시킬 수 있으리라 봅니다. 발명가는 확실히 이전 발명가의 작품에서 배우고, 물론 과거의 실패로부터도 배웁니다. 당신의 논점은 타당성 있고 좋은 예제지만, 설득시키기엔 부족합니다. 마지막에 이르러서야 당신은 미래에 자신들에게 해가 되지 않도록 어떻게 사람들이 개인적인 과거의 실수를 이용하는지를 다루고 있습니다.



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