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특별하게 기억나는 일이 뭡니까

  • Felix Clavis 대표

특별하게 기억나는 일이 뭡니까

특별하게 기억나는 일이 뭡니까
[문제] Common Application 6. Topic of your choice “Jigsaw puzzle”

- 미국 대학입시 공통원서 6번. 자유주제 “조각 그림 맞추기”

[학생 작문] When I was little, my family went on vacations to foreign countries [1] and visited [2] several museums and exhibitions during our trips. In the gift shops of those museums and exhibitions, one thing [3] had always caught me the most interested - a box of jigsaw puzzles. [4] Then, my parents did not know that jigsaw puzzles would be one of my [5] passions and rejected my pleading to purchase the puzzles. Years passed, and I could finally afford to buy my [6] ten-dollar box of 500-piece jigsaw puzzles from a nearby Longs Drugs store. At first, my mom was astonished to see me [7] in the middle of the scattered pieces [8] but later came to acknowledge my fervor for puzzles as the number of pieces increased to 1000 and 2000 and even suggested [9] to frame a few of my works.

People who do not find jigsaw puzzles interesting ask me how [10] I play them. Here is my secret strategy [11] in solving them: first I find all the margin pieces, which have at least one flat side, then put together patches of conspicuous parts or colors such as words, flowers, and people, [12] link those parts up inside the margin, and lastly fill the empty spaces up. If the puzzle [13] were a picture of one solid color, I [14] would look at the shapes and sizes of [15] bulging part and dented part [16] of each piece to find its partners. [17] And when asked why I play them, I answer, “Why not? It’s fun.”

There are three important things I learned from jigsaw puzzles: perseverance, [18] ability to focus, and joy from accomplishment. Jigsaw puzzles are probably one of the [19] only games that [20] requires no luck but hundred percent of effort, [21] so without the three characteristics, it is difficult to enjoy them. The puzzles have taught me [22] such characteristics that have changed me. Before my first [23] purchase of the jigsaw, I was never able to sit still in a chair for more than half an hour, nor could I focus on one subject for long; however, I now have the tenacity to sit through a 14-hour flight without [24] boredom and concentration to get my work done rapidly. Though jigsaw puzzles are probably not the sole reason [25] in my changes, they do take part. Also, the puzzles possess an important lesson in life: [26] to solve [27] problem piece-by-piece, step-by-step. The [28] simplistic and sequential logic of puzzles calms me after a long day of exhausting events and has allowed me to cultivate the ability to [29] use it to solve problems [30] the same way in real life. I am amazed at how much this seemingly [31] trifling hobby has [32] influenced me inconspicuously.



I have temporarily stopped playing jigsaw puzzles because of my academic [33] concerns, but I [34] wish to challenge for a three-dimensional jigsaw puzzle when I resume.

첨삭



[1] → . We often

[2] 삭제

[3] → always caught me my interest - jigsaw puzzles.

[4] → In the beginning, my parents had no idea that

[5] great 삽입

[6] → own 500-piece jigsaw puzzle for

[7] → sitting on the living room floor 또는 surrounded by scattered pieces.

[8] → She later came to accept my fervor [9] → that I

[10] → I can spend hours patiently putting the pieces together.

[11] 삭제

[12] → . Then I link those parts to the inner edges of the margin. Lastly, I take great satisfaction in filling the empty spaces.

[13] → is a picture consisting of one solid color,

[14] 삭제 [15] each 삽입 [16] 삭제

[17] → When asked why I play,

[18] → focus, and the joy of accomplishment.

[19] → few

[20] → that does not require luck, but one hundred percent effort.

[21] → Without perseverance and focus,

[22] → and [23] → jigsaw puzzle purchase,

[24] → boredom! I can easily find myself absorbed in concentration to complete the puzzle.

[25] → for my growth and change in patience, they did play a major part.

[26] they taught me 삽입 [27] → problems

[28] → simple, sequential [29] 삭제 [30] 삭제

[31] → innocuous

[32] → subtly but powerfully influenced me

[33] → responsibilities,

[34] → am never far from a puzzle and can’t wait to resume the challenge of a good, three - dimensional jigsaw puzzle.


[Comment] This is a very interesting and enjoyable essay. Not many people have this love-or should I say obsession?-with puzzles, and it makes you special and memorable. The only thing I noticed is that you tend to run on and on in your sentences when they could be shorter. You should cut your sentences to be as succinct as possible. Also, some of your phrasing was edited for flow. Very good job.

매우 흥미롭고 재미있는 에세이입니다. 많은 사람들이 이 같은 퍼즐에 빠지지는 않지만 그것은 당신을 특별하고 기억나게 합니다. 이 글에서 발견한 한 가지는 문장을 짧게 구성해야 할 때도 길게 글을 구성한다는 점입니다. 되도록 글을 간결하게 쓰시기 바랍니다. 또한 몇 군데는 흐름을 위해 수정했습니다. 매우 좋은 글입니다.



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