과학기술의 발달은 세상을 어떻게 바꿔놓을까.
Is the world changing for the better? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
세계는 더 좋게 변하고 있는가? 당신의 입장을 독서, 학습, 경험 혹은 관찰에서 얻은 논리와 예를 가지고 입증하시오. - SAT Essay
[학생 작문] The world is rapidly changing; the progress  of the world is incredible. Some think that the development of science  leaves its negative consequences: air pollution,  water/ocean pollution and other environmental problems  are destroying the earth. This is why they believe that the world is changing  in a negative way. However,  other argue that  the prospect of science and advanced technology  help to develop the world  for the better environment.  Nobody denies that the science  in these modern days has contributed to the convenience  in our lives. Thus,  the change of the world,  supposedly for better change, can bring both positive and negative consequences because  many  of the scientific discoveries are controversial  and at the same time, the development of science can lead to a “better world.”
 Majority of great scientific works or discoveries are highly controversial. For instance, Korean scientists have found a way to produce stem cells. This has shocked the world, and many people oppose  to the producing of new organs. Some believe it is against  ethnic and moral values; they believe  killing a life form is not the right way to save another. Others, like President Bush, are afraid of the idea of  duplicants of soldiers like in science fiction movies or books. For other various reasons, people vehemently oppose  to this discovery; they argue that  the discovery is leading the world in worse situations.
On the other hand, people believe that Korean scientists’ discovery  of stem cells is extremely beneficial. They believe that Korean scientists have made a great contribution  in the world. Other people are hopeful that the stem cells can cure their family or friends who suffer from  enormous pain and agony . Moreover, the world has been  finding a way to save people’s lives and  pain for years and years. Now that this dream seems to have come true,  people put their only hope in the stem cells. Thus, the world  are changing for a better place by saving many people’s lives.
The  two different ideas clearly show that  however the world changes  for a brighter and better place, there  is always going to be negative consequences.  This is why there was, is, and will be controversies over new discoveries that affect human’s lives greatly. We all know that the world is not perfect. Our world is not a utopia;  the fact which makes me sad,  but true. Therefore, it is essential for us to find  solution between two or to seek for an answer within the controversy.
[Comment] You have a really great essay. I think that it’s excellent that you have discussed both sides of the issue, using one example. I think that your essay is really well balanced. You have organized it really well and developed your argument very smoothly. You use a nice variety of sentence structure and cohesive devices. As you can see, there were a few problems with grammar. Pay close attention to how I have corrected your work and make a mental note of them for next time.
매우 훌륭한 에세이입니다. 제기된 문제의 상반된 면을 예로 들어 논의한 점이 특히 돋보입니다. 또한 균형이 잘 잡힌 글입니다. 구조적으로 잘 짜여 있고 논점을 매끄럽게 발전시켰습니다. 다양한 문장구조와 일관성을 유지하고 있습니다. 문법에서는 약간의 문제점이 있었습니다. 첨삭 부분에서 어떻게 고쳐졌는지 확인하고, 다음번에 실수하지 않도록 주의 깊게 살펴보시기 바랍니다.