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권력에 대항 왜 두려워할까?

  • Felix Clavis 대표

권력에 대항 왜 두려워할까?

권력에 대항 왜 두려워할까?

흑인인권운동을 벌였던 마틴 루터 킹.

[문제] Are people afraid to speak out against authority, whether the authority is an individual, a group, or a government? Plan and write and essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

사람들은 권력이나 개인, 그룹 또는 정부를 막론하고 권력에 대항하는 의견 표명을 두려워할까? 독서, 학습, 경험 또는 관찰에서 얻은 논리와 예를 가지고 당신의 주장을 입증하시오.

- SAT Essay 주제

[학생 작문]

Speaking [1] against [2] the authority is regarded as [3] the brave behavior [4], because people have to endure [5] the damages which will follow after speaking. However, [6] in the history there are many people [7] who spoke for the large amount of people and let people know the problem of the society. Most [8] of people would be afraid to speak out against authority [9] , but to correct the problem, many people spoke up to the authorities.



Many [10] of the demagogues around the world have spoken out against [11] the authority. For example, [12] for the black’s right, not only Martin Luther King Jr. [13] tried to save the Afro-American, but also Malcolm X and many other people [14] tried. However, when people speak [15] up to the government, it is usually because [16] the minor group has problems. Due to the weakness of [17] minor group, achieving the goal of the group usually takes [18] long time and [19] harsh situation. [20] But many of the leaders has been achieved success by speaking [21] up to the authority, and [22] the more people [23] are speaking their opinion up to the bigger power.

As [24] the time [25] goes by, people [26] became not afraid of speaking against [27] the powerful [28] group. [29] Compare to the society from past, all the citizen already have rights to speak up. Reading 1984 by George O’well, [30] I observed the aspect of the Communists party led by a dictator. No citizen had [31] a freedom, property, or privacy. If one [32] spokes something out that is against the dictator’s order, [33] government captures him and kills him. This situation could be similar to [34] that of Hitler’s or Mussolini’s. [35] But, nowadays most [36] of the country are [37] based on democratic principle, [38] people are no longer afraid of speaking out.

In conclusion, speaking against [39] the authority [40] has become not a scare opportunity. [41] In this society, minor opinion also has right to speak their opinion to the major group although it was not an easy job for the past people who were suffered by dictators.

첨삭

부제목


[1] out 삽입 [2] → an [3] the 삭제 [4] , 삭제

[5] → the consequences of their actions

[6] → historically,

[7] → who have taken a stand for the greater good of the majority and brought to light the wrongdoings of authorities and problems in society

[8] of 삭제

[9] → ; however, there have always been a brave few who were not afraid of punishment for their courage.

[10] of the 삭제 [11] the 삭제

[12] → to improve the rights of black people

[13] → took a stand for African-Americans,

[14] → have shown tremendous courage

[15] → out against [16] → a minority

[17] → the minority [18] a 삽입

[19] → those fighting for their rights must endure many hardships

[20] → However, many have

[21] → out against [22] the 삭제

[23] → voice their opinions now than ever before

[24] the 삭제 [25] → passed

[26] → have gained more courage to speak out [27] the 삭제

[28] → organizations

[29] → Compared to past societies, more citizens have the right

[30] 구체적인 예시문 필요 [31] a 삭제

[32] → spoke out against the dictator’s order

[33] → the authorities would capture the individual, torture and maybe even kill the person.

[34] → the tyrannical rule of Hitler or Mussolini

[35] → However,

[36] → countries

[37] → governed according to democratic principles

[38] so 삽입 [39] → an

[40] → is no longer something to be greatly feared

[41] → Because of the great sacrifices that many have made in the past, many different individuals, including minorities, now have the right to voice their opinions to the majority and governing authorities.


[Comment] The ideas that you have in your essay are excellent. Also, your organization is very good. However, as you can see, you have a lot of problems with grammar and writing in a ‘native speaker-like’ manner. Pay close attention to the corrections I have made for future reference. Look at the following two sentences which are underlined: Speaking against the authority is regarded as the brave behavior, because people have to endure the damages which will follow after speaking. Most of people would be afraid to speak out against authority

In the first sentence, you can see a comma between behavior and because. This is a very common mistake. You shouldn’t put a comma before because in a sentence like this.

In the second one, you wrote ‘most of people’. This is also a very common mistake. You shouldn’t write ‘most of’. You only need to write ‘most people’.

이 에세이의 아이디어는 상당히 훌륭하다. 또한 구조 면에서도 뛰어나다. 그렇지만 문법적인 면과 원어민이 구사하는 방식의 영작, 그리고 다른 많은 문제점을 갖고 있다. 밑줄 친 부분을 어떻게 수정해야 할지 확인하고 추후 영작에 참조하기 바란다.

밑줄친 첫 문장의 behavior와 because 사이에 쉼표가 있는데, 이는 흔히 범하는 실수다. because절 앞에서는 쉼표를 사용하지 말아야 한다. 다음 문장에서는 most of people이라고 썼는데, 이것도 매우 흔한 실수 가운데 하나다. most of 대신 most people을 사용하기 바란다.



주간동아 605호 (p86~87)

Felix Clavis 대표
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