경험과 책, 어느 지식이 중요할까?

글쓴이는 경험과 책 모두 지식 습득의 주요한 방법이라고 설명하며 역사책에서 배우는 역사적 사건에 대한 예를 든다. 영화로 재연된 미국 남북전쟁의 한 장면.

[문제] It has been said, “Not everything that is learned is contained in books.” Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why? “배우는 모든 것이 책 속에 담겨 있지는 않다”라고 한다. 경험으로부터 배우는 지식과 책에서 얻는 지식을 비교하고 대조하라. 당신의 견해로는 어느 것이 더 중요한가? 또 그 이유는 무엇인가? - TOEFL 주제

[학생 작문] Some people [1] get knowledge from books. [2] The others [3] gained knowledge from their experiences. I believe both ways are important to our [4] life, because [5] they have great advantages.

Through experiences, people cannot [6] easily forget their knowledge. In other words, they [7] will deeply remind what they experienced. It is difficult [8] that one who have shocking event forget that accident. If they meet [9] the similar situation, [10] past accident is reminded. For example, [11] here is the man who has experience that his arm is broken by car accident. [12] Actually, he is my friend. When he collided with [13] car, he [14] was cutting into the road on red light. After [15] that accident, he never crosses the road [16] when red signal is on. Likewise, experience is [17] powerful way to gain the knowledge.

책으로 배우는 지식도 중요하지만 경험처럼 강렬한 기억을 남기지는 못한다.

Through books, people can [18] get various experiences indirectly. Also, people can save time [19] to get materials. [20] The book is a kind of other peoples’ knowledge from their experiences, so reading a book means [21] to experience indirectly. In addition, readers do not need to [22] create the results which an author already mentioned on the book. Therefore, reader can [23] reduce time consuming. Suppose that you read a book about U.S history. If you understand the contents of the book, you do not need to [24] revival the past, because your imagination [25] already draw the picture which author want to tell in your brain.

In conclusion, there are [26] a lot of advantages to get knowledge more than what [27] I mentioned. I would like to [28] force only one thing, that [29] the gaining experience is valuable than books. However, it is absolutely true [30] both methods to take knowledge are important to our life.

첨삭

[1]→gain [2]→Others [3] →gain

[4]→lives [5]→both

[6]easily forget their knowledge. :Ambiguousy→book knowledge?

[7]→will be deeply reminded of

[8]→for someone who experiences a shocking event to ever forget [9]→a

[10]→they are reminded of that past trauma.

[11]→a man may have experienced a broken arm from a car accident. [12] Actually, he is my friend. 문장 전체 삭제

[13] the other 삽입 [14]→had run a red light.

[15]→the [16]→on a red light.

[17] a 삽입 [18]→indirectly gain experience.

[19]→attaining

[20]→Books are a distillation of

[21]→to indirectly experience their knowledge.

[22]→undergo the direct experiences of the book.

[23]→save time [24]→relive

[25]→is already able to learn the situation without having to directly re-enact the historical events.

[26]→many more advantages to gaining

[27]→are mentioned here.

[28]→emphasize, however, only one thing:

[29]→direct experience is more

[30]→that both methods are useful in attaining knowledge that is important for our lives.

[Comment] While there is some thought and consideration displayed in answering the question, there are insufficient details to support the argument. There are also numerous errors in grammar and structure. Still, your argument and point are very clear. Try to focus more on supporting your argument with stronger examples and reducing the amount of grammatical errors. Take more time to plan an organized outline.

질문에 대답하는 데는 여러 생각과 고려가 있을 수 있지만, 이 글에는 주장을 뒷받침하기 위한 상세한 설명이 부족합니다. 문법과 글의 구성에서도 실수가 많습니다. 글쓴이의 주장과 요점은 명확합니다. 좀더 강한 예를 들어 주장을 뒷받침하는 데 초점을 맞추고 문법적 실수를 줄여야겠습니다. 또한 글을 구성하는 아우트라인을 잡는 데 더 많은 시간을 들이도록 합시다.