[문제] What were the causes of the Civil War and the consequences of the Reconstruction?남북전쟁의 원인과 재건의 결과는 무엇인가?- 미국 보딩스쿨 과제

[학생 작문] Civil war has been [1] observed as [2] U.S’ most cruel war that [3] brought more casualties than any other wars. The Civil War was not an incident [4] occurred by sudden ignition. Since [5] United States’ independence from Great Britain, the seeds of conflict had been [6] implanted. It was Fugitive Slave Act of 1817 that [7] implied the conflict over [8] slavery system. The consequences of civil war were catastrophic and [9] era of Reconstruction began in 1865 [10] to recover political and economic scars that [11] civil war left [12] to the nation [13] until 1877.

[14] As shown above, [15] Fugitive Slave Act [16] was very beginning to ignite the [17] conflicts over slaves. As [18] Fugitive Slave Act allowed slave owners to recapture escaped slaves, their treatment towards slaves was harsh and cruel. Thus, as [19] cotton industry prospered in [20] South, more slaves for labors were required to fulfill their economic interest. Through [21] railroad, Southern planters [22], mostly Democrat, [23] owned more and more slaves [24] and slaves’ animosity and distrust towards whites [25] were extreme. As [26] North [27] appealed slavery’s cruelty and inhumanity [28], [29] they waged the first compromise, Missouri Compromise in 1819 by President Andrew Jackson. In order to balance the power of each partition, he divided the nation by 36° 20’. It was his attempt to appease [30] conflict between [31] South and [32] North [33] though it was [34] momentary. As many Black’s harsh lives as slaves were portrayed in literature such as Uncle Tom’s Cabin, many [35] Northern even who were indifferent [36], became active [37] opponent of [38] slavery system. As [39] Compromise of 1850 and [40] Kansas Nebraska Act of 1854 followed, the hatred towards each other were rather increased, not pacified. Finally, it was “Bleeding Kansas” and [41] “Fred Scott Case” [42] when those hatreds exploded. To threaten President Lincoln, [43] few southern states proclaimed secession. However, as Lincoln failed to compromise with those states, most of [44] southern states seceded and formed [45] “Confederacy.” Even though many presidents endeavored to [46] make the better solution for this relentless conflict, [47] civil war seemed inevitable. [48] Started with Jackson’s popular sovereignty [49] to give citizens the right to decide [50] slavery system, many presidents [51] had hardships to balance [52] South and [53] North. It was the matter of existence of slavery system; however, it became the misunderstanding and distrust. [54] Now, Civil War finally was waged between Southerners who [55] just tried to endure and be admitted as a nation with lack of capital, technology, labors, and political unity and Northerners who tried to persuade [56] south and repeal [57] their secession [58] with taking advantages of capital, railroad, technology.

After the eight years of Civil War, the Reconstruction was [59] absolutely required. Under the name of [60] Reconstruction Act of 1867, the United States focused on [61] South’s rejoinment of Union and [62] Black’s freedom out of slavery system. As [63] Union won the war, Blacks now had full equality and freedom. [64] 14, 15, 16th amendments ascertained their freedom, equality and enfranchisement. Also, [65] women, too had social advances as they [66] involved in professional careers. However, [67] southerners who worked for cotton industry collapsed [68] for lack of labor. Therefore, [69] they created new farming systems called “Sharecropping” and [70] “Crop-lien system [71].” [72] They encouraged Blacks to work [73] for cotton industry as well as Black Code did. [74] In political aspect, Republicans were divided [75] by Radicals and [76] Liberals who quarreled over the methods to accept southerners [77]. [78] In economy, as Civil War [79] left destructive influence, Union concerned about economic revitalization a lot. However, their efforts evaporated as railroad system faltered by superfluous creation, which was “[80] Panic of 1873.”(이하 줄임)

첨삭 [1] → described [2] → the cruelest [3] → resulted in [4] → that was brought about over a short period of time [5], [8], [9], [11], [15], [18], [19], [20], [21], [24], [26], [30], [31], [32], [38], [39], [40], [41], [44], [45], [47], [52], [53], [60], [63], [64], [70], [76], [80] the 삽입 [6] → planted [7] → fueled [10] → continued until 1877 to heal the [12] → on [13] 삭제 [14] 부적절 [16] → ignited [17] → conflict over slavery [22] 삭제 [23] → purchased [25] → increased rapidly [27] → abhorred the [28] of slavery 삽입 [29] → the first compromise, the Missouri Compromise in 1819 by President Andrew Jackson came about [33] → although [34] only [35] → Northerners who had previously been [36] 삭제 [37] → opponents [42] → which resulted in a climax in the situation [43] a 삽입 [46] → find a [48] → Starting with Jackson’s idea of [49] → which gave [50] whether their states allowed the 삽입 [51] → experienced [54] → The [55] → without capital, technology, and political unity, wanted to preserve their right in the nation, [56] → the South [57] → its [58] → by [59] → necessary for the country to replenish its resources [61] → bringing the South back into the Union [62] → the emancipation of slaves [65] → women advanced socially [66] became more 삽입 [67] → the South which had depended on the [68] → due to a shortage [69] 삭제 [71] were created 삽입 [72] → These systems [73] → in the [74] → Politically, the [75] → into the [77] back into the Union 삽입 [78] → Economically, as the [79] → devastated the whole country, the Union was

[Comment] 매우 잘 구성된 에세이다. 문법적인 부분에서 약간의 실수가 있지만 전반적으로 매우 잘 쓴 글이다. 다양한 문장구조를 사용한 점이 돋보이지만, 관사 특히 정관사 “the”를 사용하는 데 소홀한 것이 문제다. 때때로 정관사를 사용했다면 수정을 덜 했을 것이다. 나는 이 글에 거의 40번에 가까운 정관사를 집어넣었다. 어떤 사람들은 관사가 중요하지 않다고 생각해서 관사를 사용하는 것을 꺼리기도 한다. 그러나 관사는 매우 중요하고, 관사를 제대로 사용하기 위해서는 많은 연습을 해야 한다. 많은 사람들이 글의 마지막에 집중력을 잃어버리는 경향이 있는데 이 점을 유의해야 한다.