성장 환경이 당신에게 끼친 영향은?

[문제] 1. Describe the aspects of Tufts’curriculum or undergraduate program that prompted your application to the university’s Class of 2010.

터프스 대학의 교과과정 또는 학부과정의 어떤 점이 당신으로 하여금 이 대학을 지원하게 했는지 기술하시오.

2. Tell us about the environment in which you were raised-your family, home, neighborhood, or town-and how it influenced the person you are.

당신이 자라난 환경-가족, 가정, 이웃 또는 마을-에 관해, 그리고 그것이 지금의 당신에게 어떤 영향을 주었는지 말하시오.

-Tufts Supplement Essays(200 words each)



[학생 작문] 1. [1] My compass does not work the way as the magnetic field of the earth does. But it points to the direction towards my greatest intellectual curiosity. [2] My fond of chemistry and science was always prevalent ever since I attended to high school. Not only was I exceptionally talented at science courses, but their nature of always leaving unanswered questions and promoting scholars to seek for that seemingly impossible answer intrigued me the most. Science is all about stretching one’s limitations. Finding a probable solution and proving it by [3] induction mathematics is not enough; [4] but the full knowledge of science [5] can only be consumed by seeking for every meticulous probable explorations. [6] Such approach can only allow oneself to really devote one’s mind and stretch their limitations. To [7] these extent, the Biomedical Engineering program [8] in Tufts best suits my endless intellectual curiosity in science. [9] Its synergetic application to chemistry, physics, [10] biology, [11] chemical engineering, mechanical engineering, electrical engineering, and computer science most startles my attention to the one-step-further exploration of scientific pursuing. Also [12] the BME’s interrelation with School of Dental Medicine [13] most interests me since I [14] want to follow my studies in my affection towards Dentists that I was strongly influenced by my uncle. [15] It is not only Tufts’ relatively small size proportion of students to professors that prompted my interest. But it is Tufts’ Biomedical Engineering program that showed me the uniqueness. Its main focus on outreaching activities and strive to look for endless answers kindled my interest. [16] Now I know where my compass is pointing at; it is pointing to the Science and Technology Center at Tufts.

2. “The ocean has to end somewhere.”

[17] This was the first philosophical dilemma that I encountered in my life. Having grown up in the eastern coast of South Korea, [18] Dong Hae, I was [19] ubiquitously surrounded by [20] rural district and salty smell of air. During summer [21] time, my parents took [22] me and my sister to the beach every weekend. [23] Not only playing around in the beach and collecting seashells were my most enjoyable time in my childhood life, but they were also the driving force [24] of my nature of endless exploration. I always liked to [25] look for new things on the beach. I would [26] get into digging over the sand and looking for baby crabs so much that I often got [27] lost from my parents. [28] One of the most intriguing playing media was the wave of the ocean. Endlessly fluctuating waves in the ocean [29] from yonder distance not only made me appreciate the nature, [30] but they also startled my sense of philosophical [31] adventurism. [32] Then, I have concluded that since waves are coming from somewhere that I can’t see, oceans have to have some terminating boundaries where they create those waves. [33] Since then, the intermittent exploring became my unique character. [34] Of course when I learned the social studies in elementary school, I realized that rivers continue to be the ocean. Today, I am an endless explorer whose philosophical [35] wave fluctuates in order to find [36] a new and perfect [37] answer. My wave does not [38] direct either to north, south, x, or y direction. [39] But I know for sure that my wave reaches its maximum frequency when it is adjacent to a place called Tufts.

첨삭

[1] 삭제

[2] → I have always been fond chemistry and science, but have always been particularly intrigued by its unanswered questions.

[3] → inductive reasoning was [4] 삭제

[5] → can never be solved by meticulously seeking for every probable explanation.

[6] → One must stretch beyond the limitations of what is known.

[7] → that [8] → at [9] → It embodies [10] and 삽입

[11] → as well as various fields of engineering and computer science. [12] → he interrelation of Tufts’ Biomedical Engineering program [13] 삭제

[14] → wish to pursue a program in dentistry.

[15] → Tufts’ relatively small size and ratio of students to professors appealed to me as well with its focus on outreach activities.

[16] 삭제 [17] 삭제 [18] 삭제 [19] 삭제

[20] → the salty sea air. [21] 삭제 [22] → my sister and me

[23] → Playing and collecting seashells on the beach were the most enjoyable times of my childhood,

[24] → behind my desire for [25] → discover

[26] → become obsessed with digging for baby crabs in the sand so [27] → forgot

[28] → And I was always intrigued by the waves

[29] 삭제 [30] → and kindled [31] → exploration [32] 삭제

[33] → Exploration became part of [34] 삭제

[35] → waves fluctuate [36] 삭제 [37] → answers

[38] → extend to the north, the south, or to x or

[39] → Rather, I am convinced that my wave will reach

[Comment] Your first essay starts with a compass analogy but then does not seem to do anything with it until the last line. So I deleted the entire reference to compass. The link between BMS and dentistry also seems tenuous at best. Your second essay is much better.

첫 번째 에세이는 나침반을 이용한 유추로 시작했지만 글이 끝날 때까지 나침반과 관련해 아무런 진전이 없었습니다. 그래서 나침반과 관련한 내용을 모두 삭제했습니다. BMS와 치과의 연결성도 빈약한 듯합니다. 두 번째 에세이가 훨씬 더 좋습니다.