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David Hwang의 영어 논술 클리닉

진보는 왜 새 아이디어에 의존할까?

진보는 왜 새 아이디어에 의존할까?

진보는 왜 새 아이디어에 의존할까?

혁신적인 아이디어로 사회의 진보를 이끌었던 토머스 에디슨.

[문제] Does Progress depend on people with new ideas rather than on people whose ideas are based on the current way of doing things? Plan and write and essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

진보는 현재 방식에 기초한 아이디어를 가진 사람들보다 새로운 아이디어를 가진 사람들에게 더 의존하는가? 독서, 학습, 경험 또는 관찰에서 얻은 논리와 예를 가지고 당신의 주장을 입증하시오.

-SAT Essay 주제

[학생 작문] Today, we are living in [1] the place where we can rapidly contact [2] to each other easily. There are [3] plenty of convenient [4] instruments which [5] help our daily [6] life. [7] Then, how the new instruments could be invented? [8] People like Edison and [9] Light brother who had always come out with the new ideas that other people haven’t thought of made it.

To progress [10] with depth, looking at things from new points of view is very important. Of course, people [11] based on the current way [12] can lead the companies or groups, but [13] they can never make new impressive ideas. Edison [14] is a good figure to show who was very creative and had questions on everything he saw. Having attended only elementary school, Edison was not [15] the ideal person for the normal community. He was somewhat different from other children. He [16] asked his mother, a school teacher, [17] everything including things [18] which we think of as stupid questions. But with [19] the different view from others, Edison later invented so many useful things that [20] can help our lives. He not only invented filament for the electric bulb, but also [21] gave hints to future generations to make a telephone.



[22] Light brother is another good example [23] of proofing that new ideas can make a huge progress. [24] When other people didn’t try to make the plane but just wanted to play with toy plane, Light brother actually tried to make things to fly. Light brother, inventors of the first air plane, had failed lots of times to have success. Finally, they made a plane which is very needful instrument.

Not only [25] Edison [26] helped and improved out lives, but also [27] there are so many scientist, artist, or in any people from entire fields, helped our lives by [28] coming up with the new ideas. [29] When people satisfy with their current way of doing things, they can never [30] grow up and improve. [31] Having a new sight on things and thinking differently, we can easily [32] make progress and achieve huge advancements.

첨삭



[1] → a world [2] → others [3] → thousands

[4] → inventions [5] → have helped to change

[6] → lives [7] 삭제

[8] → Amazing people

[9] → the Right Brothers contributed greatly to the advancement of technology with the creation of life-altering inventions.

[10] → further in the future, it is vital to view the world from different perspectives.

[11] , whose ways of thinking are 삽입

[12] of doing things, 삽입

[13] → without considering the world from different perspectives, it will be difficult for them to develop brand new inventions.

[14] → who was very creative and questioned everything he saw, is a very good example to demonstrate how exceptional thinking produces profound results.

[15] → a person many would have thought to be a candidate for brilliance.

[16] → questioned [17] about 삽입

[18] → many would have considered to be foolish.

[19] → a different perspective

[20] → have changed the way we live our lives today.

[21] → left those who came after him with knowledge of how to make the telephone.

[22] → The Right Brothers are

[23] → of how new ideas can lead to great progress.

[24] → At the time of the Right Brothers, there had been many unsuccessful attempts by others to fly. Also, the Right Brothers tried for a very long time unsuccessfully to create an airplane. With patience and perseverance, they finally succeeded in producing what no other person had been able to do. The Right Brothers creation has impacted the world and brought different cultures closer together.

[25] did 삽입

[26] → and the Right Brothers help to improve our lives.

[27] → many other scientists and inventors have

[28] → creating new inventions.

[29] → If people remain satisfied and complacent with their current ways of doing things,

[30] → improve their quality of life.

[31] → By having new insight [32] make 삭제


[Comment] The ideas and examples that you used in your essay are very good, so you successfully support your opinion. However, you have a lot of problems with the way you expressed your ideas. As you can see, I corrected about half of your essay. Really pay attention to how I have corrected your sentences and work hard on improving your sentences skills.

에세이에 사용된 아이디어와 예제들은 매우 좋다. 그것들이 글쓴이의 의견을 잘 뒷받침하고 있다. 그러나 아이디어를 표현하는 방식에 문제가 많다. 에세이의 절반 가까이를 수정했다. 문장을 어떻게 바꾸었는지 잘 살펴보고 문장 구성력을 높이기 위해 더 노력하기 바란다.



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